“Reparasjon gjennom perversjon”
Repressiv repetisjon eller reparasjon gjennom perversjon?
Traumatophilia
Avgi Saketopoulou is a psychoanalyst who challenges conventional understandings of trauma and consent, particularly in the context of sexuality and desire. Her concept of "limited consent" argues that in certain experiences, especially those involving intense psychological or erotic transformation, to create space where new forms of subjectivity can emerge, and potentially risk (splendid) overwhelm, there has to be an element of surprise - which clearly negotiated and explicitly stated consent can’t offer. Instead, she suggests that desire can sometimes push individuals beyond what they initially thought they could or would consent to, because they could not already imagine what they don’t already know. So, You can give consent to be overwhelmed by surprise, but this she states, can never be more than a “limited consent”.
Avgi Saketopoulou’s concept of "traumatophilia" challenges the traditional framework of trauma as something purely negative that must be overcome. She states that integrating, and even desiring certain aspects of one's traumatic experiences, can make us engage with trauma in productive, creative, or erotically meaningful ways. Rather than simply aiming to “heal” from trauma in the conventional therapeutic sense, her work invites a rethinking of trauma beyond victimhood, from a surviver to a thriver. A site of agency, transformation and new forms of relationality.
Existential Kink
This resonates with Carolyn Elliott’s book Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power, which presents a similar idea: that by acknowledging and even enjoying the unconscious patterns that create our struggles, we can break free from cycles of self-sabotage and unlock greater agency. Individuals may integrate, transform, and even derive meaning or pleasure from aspects of their traumatic experiences.
Both Saketopoulou and Elliott suggest that parts of the psyche that appear to be obstacles, whether in the form of trauma, suffering, or self-destructive patterns, can hold hidden desires or forms of pleasure. Elliott's method, rooted in Jungian shadow work, encourages individuals to embrace the darker, hidden aspects of themselves, rather than resisting them. Much like Saketopoulou’s exploration of how trauma can be metabolized into something transformative rather than simply "healed." She points out that healing is not even possible, because what is an un-traumatized life? Drawing on (hidden) privileges, class and intersectionality.
Where Elliott’s Existential Kink takes a more self-help oriented, mystical approach, encouraging readers to "get off" on their unwanted experiences, Saketopoulou grounds her analysis in psychoanalytic theory, exploring how traumatophilia can reshape identity, consent, and desire in complex ways. Both perspectives ultimately offer an alternative to the dominant therapeutic model that views trauma as something to be eradicated rather than explored for its potential meaning and (em)power.
Core Erotic Theme
An other framework that aligns with both Avgi Saketopoulou’s concept of traumatophilia and Carolyn Elliott’s Existential Kink, is psychotherapist and sex researcher Jack Morin’s most influential book, The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment. His work on the psychology of desire and eroticism explores how deeply personal and often contradictory emotional experiences shape our erotic lives. He argues that desire thrives in the interplay between pleasure and taboo, longing and frustration. Morin’s "erotic equation" says obstacles and conflicts, even painful experiences, heighten arousals rather than diminish them. Our paradoxical desires such as being drawn to what once hurt us, are not necessarily pathological, but integral to how human sexuality actually works. His theory suggests that acknowledging and exploring these complex dynamics can lead to more authentic and fulfilling experiences. By reflecting on your most intense and recurring fantasies, arousal patterns, and past erotic experiences, you can uncover your Core Erotic Theme (CET). This is an introspective process that involves identifying the emotional dynamics and psychological factors that make certain desires particularly compelling.
One practical exercise he proposes is:
Recall Your Most Powerful Erotic Experiences by thinking about a time when you felt deeply aroused or fulfilled. This could be a real-life experience, a recurring fantasy, or even a scene from a book or movie that has always resonated with you.
Identify the Emotional and Psychological Elements by asking yourself:
What emotions were present? (e.g., excitement, taboo, power, surrender, validation)
Was there a sense of tension, longing, or an obstacle being overcome?
What role did mystery, risk, or secrecy play?
Look for Patterns by comparing multiple experiences or fantasies and identify recurring themes. For example, if your fantasies often involve power dynamics, secrecy, or a specific type of emotional tension, those elements might be key to your erotic wiring.
Explore the Origins by reflecting on why these themes resonate with you. Are they connected to past emotional experiences, conflicts, or unmet needs? He emphasizes that rather than being random, our deepest desires are shaped by personal history and psychological makeup.
By doing this exercises you can gain insight into what truly drives your arousal, and allow you to embrace in those desires with greater self-awareness and integrate them into their relationships in a fulfilling way. NB: Not all turn-ons are welcome, some are troublesome. Jack Morin suggests that troublesome turn-ons, desires that conflict with personal values, relationships or emotional well-being, should be approached with curiosity rather than shame. Instead of trying to suppress them, he encourages understanding their psychological roots and integrating them in a way that aligns with one's overall sense of self.
Steps to Work Through Troublesome Turn-Ons:
Self-Reflection Without Judgment. Rather than labeling certain desires as “wrong” or “bad,” Morin suggests exploring what makes them arousing. What emotional themes (e.g., power, taboo, surrender) make them compelling?
Identify the Underlying Need. Troublesome turn-ons often connects to deeper psychological needs such as validation, control, or emotional intensity. Recognizing these needs can help navigate them consciously and learn how to get the underlying needs met without the troublesome parts.
Separate Fantasy from Reality. Just because something is arousing in fantasy doesn’t mean it needs to be acted upon in real life. Exploring fantasies in a safe, imaginative space can be enough for some, while others may seek ethical ways to incorporate them into their relationships.
Find Healthy Expressions. If a turn-on feels risky or misaligned with one’s values, Morin suggests finding ways to channel it safely, whether through roleplay, open conversations with partners, or self-exploration that honors both desire and boundaries.
Work with a Therapist if Needed. If a turn-on causes distress or negatively impacts relationships, working with a sex-positive or kink-affirming therapist can help untangle its deeper meanings and find constructive ways to engage with or transform it.
Radical Reimagining of the Erotic
Saketopoulou’s concept of traumatophilia, challenges the conventional therapeutic narrative that trauma must always be overcome or resolved, but rather engage with trauma as a site of transformation, pleasure, or self-reinvention. Similarly, Existential Kink encourages embracing the unconscious, shadowy aspects of desire. Especially the parts that seem to work against us, as a way to access deeper power and fulfillment. Morin’s approach is rooted in self-acceptance and the belief that erotic conflicts can be gateways to deeper self-awareness rather than sources of shame. Taken together, Saketopoulou, Elliott, and Morin offer a radical reimagining of the erotic and psychological life, where desire is not about eliminating discomfort but about working with it, even deriving pleasure and meaning from it.
